by Theodore Wiesehan

    This article is the second in an SCI two-part look at methamphetamine abuse in Nebraska, beginning with "Facing down meth" in the Nov. 8 issue.
    
     On Friday, Dec. 1, John* will have been clean for five years.
     His six-foot, two-inch frame - reduced to a 140-pound skeleton after five years of methamphetamine use - is back to a healthy 220 pounds and he currently maintains a 3.5 grade-point average from Southeast Community College.
     "Pretty good for a 41-year-old recovering addict," he said. "I never even finished high school. I ended up getting expelled."
     Since becoming clean he has also reconnected with his family and has a job he loves - working with high-risk youth at Lighthouse, a Lincoln nonprofit after-school center for youth in grades six through 12.
     After spending two-thirds of his life ruled by drug and alcohol additions, John does not take any of these blessings for granted.
     "I never figured in all my life I would be a youth mentor," he said. "I pretty much figured on most of my life I would be a drug addict and a loser and everything I touched would turn to (expletive deleted). I never figured I'd have any success in my life."
     John traced his addictions back to the first drinks taken as a kid trying to cope with feelings of alienation.
     "That's where it all started is with drinking," he said. "When I was younger I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. I never felt like I belonged. I wanted something to make me feel better about who I was...and drugs and alcohol seemed to give me that."
     John said alcohol abuse served as a gateway to experimentation with more and more dangerous drugs in an effort to boost an ever-declining feeling of well-being.
     "It just keeps snowballing," he said. "You keep trying different combinations of drugs and eventually you try every kind of drug there is and nothing gives you relief anymore. In a sense, you keep chasing that first high. You never regain it again, but you keep chasing."
     The chase led John to meth via a classmate at a Wyoming technical school.
     "I was struggling with my homework and he said, 'This will help you study at night,'" John said. "So I did some. Eventually I ended up doing more and more."
     When John got started on meth he had been using cocaine, but soon found meth's high to be preferable.
     "With cocaine, 45 seconds after you do it you want some more," he said. "With meth you don't crave it as fast. You can go eight, 10, 12 hours before you want more."
     Meth quickly dominated John's life and he entered the binging and crashing cycle of methamphetamine addiction.
     "When I quit doing meth I was tired all the time, because I had been up for five years," he said. "I would be up for 10 to 15 days and then crash for 24 to 48 hours and then I would do it all again."
     In April of 2002, facing criminal charges, John was accepted into a halfway house and Lancaster County Adult Drug Court, a strict rehabilitation program paid for by the addict.
     The court made John take life-style classes, outpatient treatment and random drug tests three to four times per week. It took him 441 days to complete the program.
     "I was one of their star pupils," he said. "At the end of that program they dismiss your charges. It was just a really, really good feeling."
     He is one of the fortunate few meth users to successfully beat the addiction.
     "They say one in 35 meth addicts make it to 18 months (clean)," John said. "Not many of them make it after that. I really think it took me about two years before I actually started feeling good about myself again."
     John was no stranger to failed rehabilitation programs. The drug court marked his seventh drug or alcohol treatment center since 1989.
     He experienced the feeling of being clean, healthy and in control, only to slide back into drug or alcohol abuse several times and saw many from his treatment program in drug court fall back into the destructive jaws of addiction.
     John credits the success of his recovery to his total surrender to a 12-step program.
     "They tell you in recovery that you won't get it until you're ready," John said. "That's why it took me so long, I guess. I was still trying to do things my way."
     Five years clean and healthy again, John still bears reminders of his past. His teeth have softened from years of drug abuse and, though he has already had $1,000 of dental work done, he has another $2,500 to $3,000 of dental work remaining.
     In April, while chewing gum in class, a substantial piece of his lower molar disintegrated in his mouth.
     Today John believes he has defeated his drug problem. The obsession is gone, though he admits thoughts about it do creep back in from time to time.
     Still, he is able to handle even the most difficult situation without seeking escape through substance abuse.
     "My girlfriend's dad died last weekend and we didn't have to use drugs to mask those feelings," he said. "Since I've been clean I've lost jobs. At 18 months clean I was homeless. But because of this program I didn't have to use (drugs) over it.
     "Today in my life I'm able to do a lot of things that I used to have to be high at. I go out and sing karaoke from time to time. Everybody else is getting drunk, getting loaded, and we're having a great time just enjoying life."
     Himself freed from the cycle of addiction, John speaks to groups across eastern Nebraska, warning about the dangers of drug addiction and offering hope to those still in its grip.
     "The commercials you see on TV about drugs being a dead end, all the stuff they show, all that stuff is true," he said. "If you think that you can use successfully and not end up like anybody else, you're wrong. Why tempt fate? Just stay the heck away from it.
     "If you wonder if you have a drug problem, you probably do. Normal people don't sit and wonder if they're an alcoholic or a drug addict. If you sit and wonder, get help. There are 12-step programs in the Yellow Pages. We need help recovering. We can't do it alone."
     *Name changed